Conversations with Cheetah

Previously I have described my probing conversations with Cheetah, the short morning and afternoon commutes quickly become a formal inquisition. The years have been racing by but the daily scrutiny has remained, but he has up-ed the ante. He stuns me daily, as his subject matters widely broaden, I imagine this is due to his veracious reading, YouTube viewing (he does so in the living room, under our screening - no parent shaming needed), and countless hours of video game playing.

He plays good cop/bad cop as he grills me for answers while testing the validity of the responses with additional inquiries and promises of "googling" when our discussion has ended. After nearly ten straight minutes of examination, I pull into the driveway hoping for a reprieve. I close my eyes and try to get my heart rate back into the safe zone, while beginning to replay my answers in my mind.

Did I respond to his question about Herpes too graphically? Maybe he is too concerned with what his classmates think of him. Why in the world did I try to describe the Holocaust by myself, when I know I become too passionate? How else was I supposed to approach a questions about sperm? Thank goodness all we talked about was bugs and lizards today. What did he mean by, "but he did throw like a girl?" These moments of reflection leave me ready for round two, which never goes as well as the round he initiated; but I attempt to solidify my point or opinion, as I watch his eyes slowly begin to glaze over...

And there en lies the problem, he is only prepared to actively listen when he is ready to discuss issues with me; which I am learning happens less and less, in direct correlation with the amount of birthdays he has experienced. I'm unsure if I should be proud that he is growing more aware of his environment, that he catches every detail and written word that is around him or if I should be worried that he seems too aware of the world around him and isn't more lost in the thoughts and musings of a care-free child.

Those concerns lead me to a realization, maybe that's why many school districts have a completely separate school for children of this age, Middle School. It must be a place dripping with angst, overrun with attitude, and full of students who's eyes are stuck in the "rolled position" - what a drastic change from the light, airy, and happy hallways of the cute elementary school he currently attends. He's nervous to make that jump to the new school full of older kids, and I'm down right terrified.

I do have an ace up my sleeve though, a friend who works as a Counselor in the Middle School that Cheetah will be attending. We've discussed what changes I can expect and she assures me that things aren't as scary as I am envisioning. She has almost convinced me that Middle School is a gift to parents. It's the time in which we can train our hearts and bodies for the marathon ahead; to prepare for a barrage of arguments, patience obliteration, and additional limit testing.

As I continue to enjoy our last year at elementary school, I invite you fellow parents to incoming Middle Schoolers to take this school year and summer to cuddle your kids - when they'll let you, enjoy your conversations with them about their friends and hobbies, and try to keep your cool under the bare bulb of the investigation room.

Patience is the answer.

Tarzan and I often get the question, "Why did you choose to have only 1 child?" While I strongly believe it is no one's business, I can say that after a very short week home, I have been reminded of the main reason: Patience.

Currently, Cheetah is lamenting my entire existence because I am insisting that his percussion practice be deliberate & focused, the moments of insanity are increasing vastly. It's like his heartbeat is some how linked with the amount of muttering & eye rolling he can produce. Heaven forbid I have a correction to make on his homework or an idea on how he can better edit his shorty story - his face reddens and his sighs become laborious. Those are the moments that I try to count to a hundred and remind myself of the food quality & accommodations of prison - must stay strong!

He tends to react better reason. So breathing deeply, I try to explain that my duty is to instruct him on how to be a contributing member of society; I have to instruct him on how the real word works, how to make & keep friends, how to get & keep a job, and how to stay on the right side of the law. Of course this conversation is met with more sighs & frustration from The Boy and as I begin counting  from 1 to 100, I can feel my imagination slipping down a rabbit hole...go with me here:

We happen upon a coliseum filled with crazed, screaming fans as Cheetah is marched into the center by a scantly clad Adam Levine. A hush falls, as I stand to greet the Challenger. I list the Challengers crimes: not fulfilling promises, blatant disrespect of authority, addiction to gaming devices, & a complete unwillingness to complete menial tasks - the crowd hits their feet and begin jeering at the Challenger. As the Challenger turns to select his weapon of choice, I usher in Dwayne Johnson who is carrying a house cat who is suited for battle. As he lovingly scratches the cat's chin and smiles in my direction....

"Mom, I'm sorry I get so ugly with you. I know you're right and that I am letting my desire for television and video games rule my life and my actions...(he continues to talk as he leans in for a hug)."

I mutter some version of forgiveness as I try desperately to return to my studly daydream...darn kids.

PSA to prevent road rage:

As of late I can't seem to get a handle on my nerves, my aggrevation level has reached all new heights.  Driving on the streets of Cajun Country has become a real hazard for the safety of others, I felt that I needed to take a more proactive approach.  The best way to prevent mayhem is to educate those around you...

The 1st lesson is on 4-way stops:

After a full-stop has been made, vehicles have the right-of-way to proceed through the intersection in the order that they arrived at the intersection.  If vehicles arrive at approximately the same time, each driver must yield to the drivers on their right.  If more than one car arrives at the same time, the following right-of-ways apply in order: vehicles going straight, turning right, and finally vehicles turning left.

2nd lesson the definition of yeild:

Vehicle must prepare to stop if necessary to let a driver on another approach proceed. In contrast, a stop sign requires each driver to stop completely before proceeding, even if no other traffic is present.


3rd lesson is the roundabout intersection:

Slow down.  Yield to pedestrians and bicyclists, yield to traffic on your left already in the roundabout.  Enter the roundabout when there is a safe gap in traffic and keep your speed low.

Also, I wanted to take this time to inform any future automobile purchasers of a featurere that no longer comes standard on all vehicles purchased.  The 'turn signal', (please follow the link for a tutorial on the correct use of a turn signal) if your car IS equipped with this device, please do us all a favor and use it.

Kick starting Christmas.

I made a promise on Facebook, "'I will make ALL my Christmas gifts this year" and thanks to Pintrest I will have no problem filling stockings this Christmas.  It had been a while since I had made something to give as a gift so I felt that the best place to warm-up would be Halloween. Cheetah reommended carving a pumpkin, I tried to remind him how much he DID NOT enjoy doing it last year but he would not give up. 
                                   
Yeah, it didn't take long for him to regret his request.  I also learned a good lesson about pumpkins this year, although the 'warty' pumpkins are super cute they do not make good carving pumpkins.  The skin is SUPER tough, even Tarzan had a hard time carving into it.  We kinda gave up on the face but the 'goblin' inspired jack-o-lantern still came out super cute.

After our battle with the pumpkin I was a little nervous to try my hand at tye dying at home.  Last year after Halloween I bought this kit at Walmart for under $3 dollars, and I was super excited.  The only things I had to provide were shirts and patience...

                              

Suprisingly it went really well, Cheetah was into it but after 15 minutes of just squeezing dye he lost intrest.  I ended up tye dying 5 t-shirts and loving it.  They had to soak overnight but the 1st thing I did the next morning was cut off the bands and take a look.  Cheetah couldn't believe that you could change a white t-shirt to something 'so cool yo' (had to use his exact words).

We had enough dye leftover to make our 1st Christmas gift of the year.  It turned out great and we know that the giftee will LOVE it too!! 

                           

We have whipped our creative muscles into shape and this past weekend we churned out 4 more Christmas gifts and started on another 4, it won't be long before we have them all done and ready for the unveiling.  I'll give a little sneak peek as we work toward our family Christmas's...seriously, check out Pintrest, there are SO many great ideas and ways to help you save money during this holiday season.  

leaving home...

Easter was wonderful at the Smith house, it was a welcome break from the unpacking, place finding, and sprucing up that we have been doing for the past month.  My In-Law’s came into town and we did the obligatory egg dying, egg hunting, and Easter bunnying.  It was nice to have our first overnight guest in the new house; we had plenty of room and everyone seemed to sleep comfortably. 

Even though we did some yard work and a bit of maintance on the pool, it was relaxing.  We got the hammock up and enjoyed the mild breezy weather while visiting over under ripe watermelon.  It was yummy.  It was refreshing catching up with the news on the family and having the chance to see their sweet faces.  On perfect weekends like these it makes me so lonesome for my parents, I have actually been missing living IN their house. 

My parents were the parents everyone wanted; the house was welcoming, the advice supportive, and the company was enertaining.  Maybe that's why I have been missing them so much; they did TOO good of a job in making me feel loved, supported, and safe...I want to go back.  It really is an odd rite of passage, leaving home.  From the moment you are brought into this world people spend their time caring for you, providing for you, and making you feel safe  Your childhood is spent developing life skills and it's like a second job for your parents.  As an only child I rely on my parents a good deal so you can imagine how thankful I was to recieve a flyer from Cheetah's school.  They wanted to offer some insight into what they would be expecting from him as he begins his school years.  Up until this point I felt that we were doing a great job preparing him for his future.  I never considered the skills they had listed: buckling a belt, tucking in a shirt, wiping his bottom, reciting our phone number, knowing our address, and opening a milk carton.  Our dreams of a summer day lazing by the pool now have to include pop quizes and skill tests.  Oh the life of a responsible parent.

Speaking of pools...

We have come a LONG way.  I say WE but what I really mean is Tarzan has done some hard work.

Thanks to his efforts, with some advice from the In-Laws we may be in the pool by my birthday weekend!!  Score one more for Tarzan!



Dear Jane:

As you are growing up you receive lots of ‘advice’ on how to make it through the world with as little scars as possible, and it’s my opinon that we heed that advice about 60% of the time…the other 40% time we choose to figure things out on our own. There are some particular pieces of advice that I will always remember, mostly because I did NOT listen and I learned my lesson the hard way.




1. “Don’t change your major after your sophomore year in college”, I changed mine DURING, my sophomore year from Speech – Language Pathology and Audiology to Psychology. It was possibly the dumbest decision I ever made.

2.       “Don’t get a degree in something that requires more school”.  There is not a job in the world for someone with a BA in Psychology, trust me.

3. “Don’t drink by the pool, you may fall asleep”: I ended up with the worse sunburn of my adulthood.

Out of not listening to people’s advice some really great things can come from the lessons you learn:



1. “Don’t pledge that club with the Skulls & Crossbones” – made some of the best friends of my life.

2. “Don’t drink too much while you are in Chicago” – a little over 8 months later I met my son.

3.       “Don’t call Tarzan for help with Physics, you WILL fail.” Twelve years later and we are still together.

When given advice you really need to consider the source and always take it with a grain of salt.  If you decide to not listen, be prepared to hear plenty “I told you so’s”.  If the advice is given by your mother, heed MY advice and listen, she is ALWAYS right!

My spring has sprung!

The acquiring of the new house, packing for the move, and unpacking the new house has been ALL kinds of eventful; it’s becoming a comedy of errors as of late.  We are at the point where we are catching ourselves hysterically laughing for fault of having any idea of how to take things anymore.   Tarzan may be King of the Jungle but his back cried ‘UNCLE’ several weeks ago, my right foot has acquired a very interesting ailment (Plantar Fasciitis), and poor Cheetah is still having problems reeling his emotions in from time to time.  This family needs a break, and along comes spring.

Spring is one of my favorite times of year, I look forward to it annually and by the beginning of February I am in desperate need of it’s comforting breezes, warmth, and promise of ‘feet flirting’.  I have been preparing for spring’s happy arrival for several weeks now.  I’ve been busy dusting off my open toed shoes, shaving my legs (thank God for ‘no shave November’), pruning my yard, and loading up my iPod with all my sunny jams.  Tarzan, Cheetah and I are so excited to fully enjoy our new home and all it’s amenities that we are chomping at the bit to celebrate, ANYTHING.  We have people waiting in the wings to help celebrate any occasion we can come up with…the only problem you ask???



That would be the POOL.  Tarzan has been relentless in trying to schedule a pool guy to come out and get everything up and running with no luck; leaving messages these days is a joke.  So I decided I would try too, I have called 3 times now and I keep getting stood up!  What the heck people, I could probably get it clean and ready on my own if someone could just come show me how to use this pump!!  I am drooling as I pass the pool every day, I am getting desperate here.  As I begin to get busier at work I have days dreams of cool dips in the pool with Cheetah as we work off calories and start our annual OD of vitamin D…and here comes Mr. Disappointment with another day of no word from the ‘pool guys’.  So I am putting my foot down, if by this Friday I have heard nothing I may go into business for myself.  Go ahead and see if I’m bluffing.  I am warning you now ‘pool guys’; I am willing to work for money, I am great at customer service, I have an email address, and I return phone calls…I would be some very SERIOUS competition for you.  I have Google and I can read…those are the only tools I need in my arsenal these days.

Put your hands in the air...

The move has made everything so hectic, this is the first time that we’ve moved with the boy underfoot.  It was surprisingly easy, thanks to family and friends things pretty much went off without a hitch.  We had help entertaining Cheetah, heavy lifting, unpacking, and cleaning.  For now we are presently on an unending quest for things that are taped up in boxes and we are wearing a path in the cement from the garage to the house.

Due to the stress of the move Cheetah has developed a fun new habit that has to be stopped.  The school has had to institute a ‘hand check’ rule, it seems Cheetah can’t seem to keep his hands off of the family jewels.  It’s all the time; standing in the store, riding in the car, watching tele, and eating any meal. 

It’s like he has the cure for cancer in there but just can’t seem to shake it loose.  We have tried the whole ‘do it in private’ talk, and the ‘put your hands in the air for a minute’ punishment.  Nothing seems to be working, I wonder if there is a book at the library that could point us all in the right direction.

The only saving grace during all the hooplah has been Mardi Gras.  We are able to take breaks from unpacking and penis talk to; yell our heads off for some cool loot, enjoy good food, get in some time with friends,  enjoy rides, and let’s not forget the cotton candy.

Cheetah’s school has closed for Lundi and Mardi Gras which means a 4 day weekend for me and plenty of time to catch up on laundry and harvesting empty boxes

A little of topic but very exciting…


Over a year ago I read an article the stated that a family could save over $400 a year by owning a bread machine so of course I had to add one to my ‘wish list’. This past weekend the Smith family received an AWESOME house warming gift from my fabulous Aunt.
 

We received a top of the line Cuisnieart Convection Bread machine, and as I sit here I am making my first loaf of bread.  I had no idea it would be the easy, who knew you could just throw all the ingredients in, press start, and boom…BREAD! 

Fuses are short and tempers are high...

When Tarzan and I agreed to move a little closer to what I call ‘home’ we decided we would just find something to rent and then as we became acclimated to the area we would look for a more permanent living arrangement.  Our 6 month lease turned into 2 ½ years in a 1,000 square foot apartment…as the walls are beginning to close in on us so is our lease.  For once we have no real ‘plan’, a friend of Tarzan’s heard of a house that was for sale by owner so we made some calls and did a quick walk through (in under 30 minutes) deciding that it seemed perfect for us.   We have put in our bid and now we wait for the ‘Loan gods’ to let us know the final answer…did I mention he have no REAL back up plan.  This is not like us, I used to be a by the seat of my pants kind of gal but since Tarzan and I got together he has roped me into his scrimp, save, and plan world and it has been very comfortable; these past 4 weeks however, have been hellish.  Our house is on edge, Cheetah keeps asking, “Where are we going?”  To which we keep answering, “To a new house somewhere”, deflecting his questions hoping to soon have a more definite answer.  We’ve told no one, afraid that it would jinx it (I knew I shouldn't say anything...damn) or maybe we would get too excited and then be disappointed.  

Maybe it’s our vagueness or the land of boxes we currently reside in but the boy has proclaimed, “I hate going to a new house.   I can’t find any of my stuff and we always have to clean and pack.”  I can relate; I am so tired of giving up my time to pack up more crap when I have no real idea where I am going. I am beginning to think that these ‘loan professionals’ are really S&M aficionados and are getting their ‘rocks off’ by watching us jump through hoops at their every whim.  We’ve answered the emails, phone calls, and countless ridiculous requests at a desperate pace; hoping to be done with it all in time to be out before our lease is up at the end of the shortest month of the year.  Every time I sit still or it’s quiet in the house I swear I can hear the tick of the clock warning me of the daunting time table that looms before us.  Stress is high and fuses are short. 

When I picked up the boy today he said, “I am not in mood for more attitude, can we just play outside tonight?”  Of course my answer was ‘Yes’ so I will  soak up some Vitamin D relax with my loves tonight until the monkey hits the sheets, then I’ll try to pack at least 2 more boxes before following his lead.  Keep our sanity in your thoughts, as soon as we hear from the   corporate offices for S&M we will sound the fog horns.

Woman on a Mission - Part 1

Wanting make short work of my new year plans, I am diving right into my first “Woman on a Mission weekends. I am in need for a recharge and some laughs, great conversations, and hugs will be just the boost I need; plus I want to energize my bestie before the start of her next semester. I have my directions printed out and some great ideas for fun in my noggin.



This weekend Cheetah and I are going to a state he has never been to, spending some quality time with one of my ‘sisters’, and hanging-out with some of his ‘best friends’ for the whole weekend. He says that we are going to the best sleepover EVER and that he plans on not sleeping at all (GASP)…I am beginning to think I may need to invest in a tranq gun before heading out of town.

He is making all these plans; he has the pajamas he wants to bring picked out, the clothes that he wants to show to Joe and Aaron, and the toys he HAS to bring along.  It’s so good that he’s SO excited to be going on the adventure with me because I am counting down the days.  I am making all these plans: picking out my pajamas, bringing all these comfy clothes, and making mental notes on all the stuff I need to catch Melinda up on…happy is ‘catching’ and it seems that lameness may be hereditary. 

It’s always weird to me to think of myself in the role of parent, let alone my friends so I always find it fun to be around them with their children.  It’s neat to see how someone else does it all, what do they allow, what are the house rules, and how DO they keep things running so smoothly???   It’s helpful to get ideas in real life situations; and if anyone knows how to keep their calm while being fired a million questions it will be my friend, mother of 2 boys, Melinda.  I am sure when she reads this she will disagree but I’ve always seen her as one of the calmest people in my life, very grounded and aware of her decisions…a very ‘earthy’ mother. 

So I wait, anxiously for noon on Friday to come, as is Tarzan, I am sure. How quiet the jungle will be with his monkey and woman wreaking havoc somewhere else.

The perfect gift.

Growing up with a mother like mine meant that the holidays (ALL of them) would be greeted with moans and groans by Dad and I while mom’s head almost popped off from shear excitement.  My mother doesn’t celebrate holidays, she DOES holidays.  She has holiday related decorations, foods, clothes, happies, and let’s not forget songs and skits.  My mother is her own band of traveling gypsies and man can she put on a show.  Anyone who has ever met my mother knows what I am talking about.  The woman can make a visit to the OB/GYN an party, she doesn’t bother making lemonade out of lemons…after making her own potpourri, dessert, jewelry, and cleaner there are none left.  After a weekend full of baking, house decorating, and craft making she and my dad took Cheetah on a shopping excursion.

She had the idea that he could pick out some presents that he could give to people…he was allowed to pick whatever he wanted.  When I went to pick him up, she was beaming; everyone was so excited about the choices that he made for presents and promised that no one would be disappointed.  Cheetah was so excited to help pass out the presents on Christmas Eve; he was all smiles and had an explanation for each gift.  They were a HUGE hit!

For the great aunts (most of them got the same gift) he opted for a shower puff; the reasoning, “my aunts all smell nice and ladies are always telling me to bathe so they’ll love it”. 

Tarzan got a puzzle, and a slinky, “so he’ll stop playing with mine”. 

  I got chapstick in HIS favorite flavor, some toenail polish (he does know me) and some reindeer socks.

For his Granny he bought her a new spatula “to help her make Mac and cheese”.  For the great uncle who plays in a band, he bought a Penguins of Madagascar calendar so, “he’ll remember all his gigs”.  For the great uncle who has everything, popcorn bowls since “popcorn is diabetic, right Momma?!”  For his uncle Ty he got a ’Lemonheads’ filled ornament because “it’s his favorite candy, duh.”  For his Nana a small spatula, which broke Cheetah said, “that’s ok she doesn’t really like to cook”.  For his Papaw he got him some coffee, “because he has to wake up early and fix breakfasts”.

 But my favorite was a pair of candy cane antlers with bows, “Uncle Jackie LOVES bows” (bow HUNTING that is).

We were amazed by the amount of attention Cheetah gives to adult conversations and how much he really knows about his family members far and near.  I am really looking forward to next Christmas, with Cheetah doing the shopping I may have time to do some crafting and baking of my own.
 

Wordless Wednesday