Thursday, February 24, 2011

If you and I were neighbors, oh how happy we'd be...

If you and I were neighbors we would more than likely spend our mornings trying to beat each other out of the neighborhood to wait in traffic and our afternoons giggling over the insane antics of our children. We would spend our weekends trying to wear our kids out and soak up as much vitamin D as possible. But after a hectic day we would meet around 8:30pm to begin our nightly brisk walk around the neighborhood while rehashing all the crazy that happened to us during the day. You would tell me about the ‘dumbass’ thing your husband said while I try not to snort out-loud. I would make you chuckle by saying, “it must be true that men are from Mars because only aliens would act like that”. After a few miles we would make our way to the kitchen and I’d pour you a glass of water and myself a glass of bourbon while we discuss the podcasts I listen to and the shows you can’t get enough of on t.v.

I’d tell you how I struggle to be a good mother and you’d nod, understanding. You’d fret over the time you are away from your kids and I’d remind you that sometimes distance equals sanity. We would both agree that ‘mommy guilt’ is the worst part of being a mother. You would tell me that your parents are well and that the in-laws are coming to town in two weeks and you’d ask if I’d make my red velvet cupcakes. You’d ask how my parents were doing, knowing that it’s been a worry of mine. I’d update you on my father’s progress and divulge how worried I am that my mother takes on too much. I would tell you that I wish they lived closer; you would quickly remind me that it’s a lot closer than Mississippi.

To lighten the mood I would quickly change the subject to my recent addictions on Netflix and we’d laugh at the validity ‘That 70’s Show’ still has in our daily lives. You’d laugh when I tell you I want to be Kitty when I grow up and Cheetah says he want to be Fez. We both sigh (secretly worrying about the teen years that lie ahead of us both) when I mention how I hope that Cheetah wants to bring his friends to our house to hangout.

I’d ask what your plans are for the weekend and you’d mention the spring cleaning you really need to get done. I’d present the idea of both of us doing your house one weekend and mine the next; we set a time, I promise to bring my iPod and you grin knowing that means we’ll spend half the time dancing to old ‘booty music’.
**I am currently moving to a new neighborhood and am presently taking applications for my new FAVORITE neighbor, looks like a sweet deal, huh?!?

Check out some more 'neighbors'...

Monday, February 14, 2011

Fuses are short and tempers are high...

When Tarzan and I agreed to move a little closer to what I call ‘home’ we decided we would just find something to rent and then as we became acclimated to the area we would look for a more permanent living arrangement.  Our 6 month lease turned into 2 ½ years in a 1,000 square foot apartment…as the walls are beginning to close in on us so is our lease.  For once we have no real ‘plan’, a friend of Tarzan’s heard of a house that was for sale by owner so we made some calls and did a quick walk through (in under 30 minutes) deciding that it seemed perfect for us.   We have put in our bid and now we wait for the ‘Loan gods’ to let us know the final answer…did I mention he have no REAL back up plan.  This is not like us, I used to be a by the seat of my pants kind of gal but since Tarzan and I got together he has roped me into his scrimp, save, and plan world and it has been very comfortable; these past 4 weeks however, have been hellish.  Our house is on edge, Cheetah keeps asking, “Where are we going?”  To which we keep answering, “To a new house somewhere”, deflecting his questions hoping to soon have a more definite answer.  We’ve told no one, afraid that it would jinx it (I knew I shouldn't say anything...damn) or maybe we would get too excited and then be disappointed.  

Maybe it’s our vagueness or the land of boxes we currently reside in but the boy has proclaimed, “I hate going to a new house.   I can’t find any of my stuff and we always have to clean and pack.”  I can relate; I am so tired of giving up my time to pack up more crap when I have no real idea where I am going. I am beginning to think that these ‘loan professionals’ are really S&M aficionados and are getting their ‘rocks off’ by watching us jump through hoops at their every whim.  We’ve answered the emails, phone calls, and countless ridiculous requests at a desperate pace; hoping to be done with it all in time to be out before our lease is up at the end of the shortest month of the year.  Every time I sit still or it’s quiet in the house I swear I can hear the tick of the clock warning me of the daunting time table that looms before us.  Stress is high and fuses are short. 

When I picked up the boy today he said, “I am not in mood for more attitude, can we just play outside tonight?”  Of course my answer was ‘Yes’ so I will  soak up some Vitamin D relax with my loves tonight until the monkey hits the sheets, then I’ll try to pack at least 2 more boxes before following his lead.  Keep our sanity in your thoughts, as soon as we hear from the   corporate offices for S&M we will sound the fog horns.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Kevin Smith - my guilty pleasure

Usually my posts tell a heart-warming story or shed light on a topic that means a lot to me but today I wanted to let you in on a personal secret of mine and clue my readers in on something that makes me ‘tick’. So the rest of this post will be me, geeking out about one of my guilty pleasures.

I have an addiction to a few SModcasts ( ) and even though I listen EVERY day at work I can’t seem to get enough. I was introduced to the Viewaskew universe early on in my college years through watching Kevin Smith’s movies; Chasing Amy, Clerks, Jersey Girl, and Mallrats (to name only a few). I quickly became a fan of Kevin Smith, the array of characters he created, and the team of people who he counts on for bringing his visions to life. I own his movies, have read his books, watched his Q & A’s and I listen to a wide array of SModcasts that are offered on the website.

As Scott Mosier puts it, “There are so many to choose from”; they have shows about hockey, Hollywood, drug rehabilitation, and relationships that stand the test of time.  All of the shows have just enough ‘geeky’ references, a huge helping of comedy, and the perfect amount of explicit topics to turn me red a few times a day.  I have four that are my favorites: SModcast (the one that started it all), Hollywood Babble-On, Jay and Silent Bob Get Old, and Plus One.  I have always been drawn to Smith’s candor, self-depreciating humor, and vast knowledge of the most obscure topics; and the shows never disappoint.  I have enjoyed getting to know Scott Mosier, Jason Mewes, and Jennifer Schwalbach as well as meeting new faces in the Smith world like the uber hilarious Ralph Garman.

So if you are prepared for laughter, can stand a FEW Star Wars references, enjoy the occasional impression, and have some kid-free time to kill, please don’t waste a second. Head on over to the SModcast website and find the show that is just right for you.

(Please keep in mind that these shows are EXPLICIT and not for everyone.)

Side bar: Smith has recently completed shooting his newest (and 1st ever) Horror flick, Red State. The movie will premiere in theaters October 19th but if that’s too long to wait, they are taking it ON THE ROAD! Go to and see if the movie will be headed to your neck of the woods. So excited, can’t wait to see this one!