Reflections on #2017TheYearToSoar

I look to 2018 with much trepidation; I am still lying in a heap, licking the wounds that 2017 dealt me. #2017TheYearToSoar held so much promise. I had such lofty, yet attainable, goals and felt that I was embarking on the journey that I would later regale to others as my path to my success - and ahead of schedule, per my five year plan. It is now nearly the end of 2017, and I am shocked to report that I am nowhere near where I intended to be. How did this happen? I did, and continue to do, all the right things. How did I get HERE?

The impending New Year's Eve is what finally opened my eyes to the misconception I had been living. I needed to select my word for 2018, a word that would embody the next 365 days. I thought about 2017 and my word, SOAR, and I was embarrassed. I felt like I had just finished a trust exercise - on January 1st I was blindfolded and told to make it to the other side and here I am happily, peeling off the bandanna.

I started listing successes by the goals I had made and found myself having to be creative in my wording, to be able to claim a goal as accomplished. More than halfway through the third quarter, team 2017 sacked me at the ten yard line and left me laying lifeless. That entry hit hard but I continued reading down my unmarked list. Immediately I began excusing my actions, "You had a rough year. One of your best friends died, you should be proud you're upright." So what, I made it to the other side, big deal. Everyone has struggles and hurdles, there are times when we all have bad years - even decades. There are thousands of people, around the world, who were pummeled by life again and again and here I am, blaming my life for my lack of success.

The terrible events of my year are not responsible for my current state,  I am. I have been kicking and clawing my way through the deepest, darkest recesses of my mind; trying to put this hurt and anger in just the right box, because I had things to do. I told myself that I had goals and a plan, Josh would have wanted me to push forward. This lie led me through a maze of despair that perpetuated more negative coping mechanisms. How I dealt with the mayhem life served me was where things started going awry. I had become disconnected from my family and friends, I wasn't making enough decisions, I wasn't committed to my vision or my goals. I spent the last four months of the year scrambling to make up for my poor resolve.

Just like that, 2017 literally soared right by me and I barely have anything to show for those 365 days. I marinated in that stew of regret for an hour or two and decided, enough. I am putting on my pearls, tying back my hair, and rolling up my sleeves. 2018 will be the year to connect.

For the sake of replication.

On a recent road trip I was catching up on podcasts, I was listening to Episode #566 of the Art of Charm Podcast; I highly recommend checking out any and all episodes. During this installment Phillip McKernan discussed the importance of identifying the Five Happiest Days of your life, an exercise to explore your passions, by identifying the clues your life is leaving you. My interests were peaked and I became inspired to complete the exercise on my own.

He had a few tips to make sure you pick the best of the best: don't select days that you may feel obligated to pick (ie: wedding days or the birth of a child); don't get stuck on finding five, if you're able to come up with three you will still be able to learn something; and the day doesn't have to be great from start to finish - maybe there was just a moment, a touch or a kiss. McKernan then suggests to arrange the days in order of their greatness.

Upon beginning, I immediately selected two of my top five days but quickly became stingy with the remaining three spots. I have spent the last couple of days trying to whittle down my top seven days to five; I am sharing them here, in the hopes that writing them will help me identify the bread crumbs along my trail and where they could lead me.

One:
June 12, 1984 - The day my parents were married. It was a gorgeously warm summer day in South Louisiana when my parents were married on a bridge in the middle of a swampy State Park; you could feel the hope for the future in the air and positivity seemed to exuded from each guest. I was finally going to have a real family and would have a father who wanted to be my Daddy. My Great Grandmother, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and family friends all gathered under the shade of the trees to celebrate their union and surround them in our love.

Two:
Castaway Cay Day - In 2014 The Smith family went on a Disney Cruise with the family of one of my best friends from college. It was one of those rare days in life that was beautiful from sun up to sun down. I never really understood when I heard the phrase, "Living On Island Time," until this day. We relaxed by the water, played in the sun, and floated in the waves. No thoughts given to our daily lives, we were all living in the moment and it was amazing. This was the first time Cheetah had the chance to spend an entire day at a beach; the moment his feet hit the sand, he was home. He was smiling bigger, playing harder, and laughing louder than I had ever seen - he just came to life. When the day was drawing to a close and our party numbers began to dwindle, as everyone began heading back to the ship, Cheetah and I decided we would stay until the very last moment. We spent the last hour, together, in silence; sitting by the water, listening to the tide roll.

Three:
Junior/Senior Rivalry - This is an event that is part of the tradition of Mississippi University for Women, for over one hundred years now. It was the night that I was chosen by a sisterhood of dynamic, strong, and inspirational women to become a pledge of the BlackList Social Club; the top (most well-rounded) thirteen Juniors were selected as pledges. We pledges were brought together for the first time, that night. I was elated to be among the chosen, I knew that these stellar young women would become the sisters I was destined to call mine.

Four:
O'ma and O'pa's 50th wedding celebration - This was such a joy-filled day, there was a huge turn out of friends and people whose lives were touched by my grandparents; the outpouring of emotion was outrageous. Their relationship had such simple beginnings but over the years, the lives they built were big and involved more than just their families; they gave so much of themselves to others. The grandchildren performed a special skit that told their love story and celebrated all the change their marriage brought to the world. The entire extended family spent the weekend together, regaling vividly animated stories of our history.

Five:
October 29,2016 - A whirlwind trip to Memphis proved to be more than expected, I was coming to town to witness a dear friend marry the love of her life; the night was splendid.  The commitment and love the couple expressed for each other was beautifully enhanced by the promises and pledges given to them by their family and friends. As the reception commenced and old college friends assembled, it was as if no time had passed. Bathed in the light of The Levitt Shell, we laughed and danced the night away. I had felt disconnected from myself but that evening I realized that while I have more responsibilities than I did in 1996, I was still Jane and she is great.

Honorable mention:
Mardi Gras week 2013 - Tarzan and I took Cheetah to Disney World for the first time, it was just perfect. Sharing my favorite place with Cheetah and recounting memories of our Honeymoon with Tarzan fully cemented my connection to this magical place. Watching Cheetah's face light up time and time again allowed me to see the fantasy of the parks, through the eyes of a small child, which was something I hadn't had the chance to experience for myself.

This was a very revealing exercise, I was pleasantly surprised in the number of wonderful days it helped me commemorate. I have since spent time shuffling through photographs, deepening my connection with the gleeful days in my past. However, I am still working on the common denominators and clues that these Top Five/Six Happiest Days of my life have given me; but they are all rooted in great affection, filled with family and friends who compose my inner-most circle.















#2016TheYearOfTheJump


This year has been one of the best for growth and change, in my nearly 39 years

Gather Your Gatekeepers

I feel better than I have in months, my smile is radiating from deep within me, this past weekend was cathartic. Many of my college friends & I gathered in Memphis to celebrate the nuptials of a very dear friend. We danced and laughed the nights away, we strolled down memory lane regaling all who would listen with stories far too colorful for the light of day. Monday, as I journeyed home with sounds of Brandi Carlile, Prince, Janis Joplin & Johnny Cash wafting through the air, it all came together. I was home.

In these smiling-tear stained faces were the women I grew up with, over time we had let life steal us away from each other. We had become disconnected and unfamiliar with what we love about ourselves, because we couldn't see it reflected back to us, the way we can we are with them. Our memories are part of us and without their reminders, it is difficult to remain whole. We must tether ourselves to one another and make our time together a priority. Our hearts and souls crave it, we long for each other because in each other, we can find the pieces of ourselves.

There are those in our lives who hold sacred our trust, friendship, and memories; they are the gatekeepers of our existence. We need each other. Life is not meant to be lived alone, it is meant to be savored together. Gather up your loved ones, near and far...don't wait too long.

Camaraderie is the anecdote.

Some friends and I signed up to participate in a local Warrior Dash.  I was nervous that my body would be unable to meet the physical needs the race would demand and I would lie wasted in chest deep mud.  I was correct, the race did demand a lot of my jiggly body but surprisingly this sack of bones was up for a bit more than I bargained for.  There was a great deal of bargaining and begging on my part, after a mile I was more than ready to be rid of the knee deep mud.  The teetering traverse and a collection of walls nearly claimed me but through tears and cheers I pressed on. 

 

My fear of falling almost proved too much for me to bear, I was gasping for air and my eyes could only see bright white light.  I was sacred out of my wits, my body was giving up on me, and then I heard it..."you've got this Jane, only 5 more feet to go".  Sobbing I sat down and scooted my rear across the remaining 5 feet, all the time hearing "almost there, keep breathing, don't look down".

 

Obviously my fears range in their severity and intensity and during these past few weeks I have enjoyed their physical effects on my body.  After each obstacle I faced I grew giddy, I found energy I thought I had lost over a mile back.  It was invigorating.

Fears my be poison to ambition but camaraderie is the anecdote.

 

Fear #15 Walking into a break-in at my home.

 

Fear #16 Warrior Dash.

 

Fear #17 I won't lose anymore weight.

 

Fear #18:  While alone in the house, I am showering and I hear the dog barking.  In shear panic I have to access my surroundings for weapons.

 

Fear #19:  While alone in the house I begin choking on my medicine.

 

Fear #20  That Shihan will teach a class in my dojo.

 

Fear #21  I won't live up to my expectations. 

 





Time flies

How can it possibly be the last day of April?  I mean where DID those 720 hours go?  I had great plans for my blog posts; I even have the pictures to prove it but the next thing I knew it, it was today.  The month of April was chock full of wonderful for the Smith family.

We kicked off the month of showers with a family filled Easter celebration; cousins, aunts, and uncles all met up at my parents house.  We dyed eggs, hunted eggs, overloaded on perfectly decorated treats, and had SO much fun just being together.  With Easter came the conclusion of Lent and with pride (a perfectly acceptable amount of pride) I must say I was successful, I actually kept my end of the bargain and refrained from the delicious white potato.

We had yet to have family pictures taken, and through a 'seize the deal' special we found a wonderful photographer named Susan Angelle.  We had a really nice time, and have been pleased with how it all turned out...check out our photographer's homepage, she was terrific.  Next came 2 belts tests in karate, Cheetah was testing for his blue belt while I studied up for my yellow belt test.  We both worked hard on our self-discipline and practiced many hours on honing each skill, it all payed off in spades.

In honor of my '2012 year of the Dragon' challenge, I ran in my 1st 5k!  It was a success, I not only survived but I also finished in under an hour.  My final time was 49.27, I was elated.  Thanks to the perfect location of the 5k, I was also able to squeeze in some girl time for a full weekend.  It was refreshing, just what the doctor ordered.  Since then I have been able to shave off 50 seconds from my time, I am working toward my goal of 10 minute miles.

With 1 more month under my belt, I am just on the other side of 20lbs gone and still working out at least 4 days a week for 45 minutes each day.  I continue to work hard on developing a love for all things veggie, which means I am forcing veggies down by the bowl full just hoping to fall in love. 

Quality time with my 1st BFF.

This past weekend I had the chance to have some 'girl time' with my #1 gal...my Mama.  I left 1st thing in the morning on Saturday so that the fun could begin as soon as possible.  We started off by painting our nails green in honor of St. Patrick's day. 

After a gab session and a fashion show we were dressed and off to lunch at the Rusty Pelican.  Their mahi-mahi sandwich was amazing; we sat on the porch and talked about everything and nothing.  Mama informed me of this great local shoe store that measures you for the perfect pair of athletic shoes.

After my evaluation, I was matched up with the a Debbie Gibson styled neon embellished running shoe.  I must admit that everyone was right, having the right shoes makes a world of difference.  After procuring my new glass slippers from Varsity Sports we headed back to her house to rest up before the night's festivities.

We headed to a local restaurant (featured on Diners, Drive-Ins, & Dives) called 'Louie & The Redheaded Lady.  There were so many wonderful items to chose from, we were able to settle on the Eggplant Algiers as our starter as we perused the dinner options.  I cannot begin to describe how good this was, the sauce alone was inspiring!  For her entree, Mama got the spinach salad (topped with fried oysters); it looked delicious and she had plenty for a second meal.  I opted for the fried shrimp and boiled squash and had leftovers too, everything was so delicious.  If you are ever in Mandeville, don't miss the chance to try this place, it is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!

Eggplant Algiers

We then headed to Corks & Canvases for our 2nd painting, it was so fun.  This time we were painting our own 'blue dog' (inspired by the paintings of George Rodrique).  Everyone was to draw their own dog and design the background as well.  I think our's turned out pretty well...

After a quick run for frozen yogurt, several hours of girl time, and 8 hours of sleep we headed to another local hotspot for breakfast...Taste of Bavaria.  We feasted on German style apple pancakes, baked eggs, and a side of Nuernberg brats.  I had been there before and decided it was the perfect place to reminisce about our years in Germany.  It was fun to hear all the stories of my Mama growing up so far from her family.  As I listened to her describe the town and detail the days, I could literally see the scene unfolding through her eyes. 

She may have changed as the years passed but when I look in her eyes I am 3 years old, sitting across from her in Burger Time begging for a corn dog.  I love spending time with my mother, it's so nice to see the women we're becoming.

Guest Post: I am that Mom

Check out my guest post on my dear friend McCall's blog for her 'I am that Mom week', and if you aren't a groupie of her's...what are you waiting for?!?!?

Just text me...

I have heard people argue that the text message is impersonal and has done damage to the social communication of our teenagers and young adults but I disagree. It’s not intrusive, you can answer when it’s best for you, and most of the small talk is eliminated. There have been many times when it has helped me avoid long phone calls and helped me get information effortlessly. Most importantly it has helped me stay connected to family and friends on a daily basis.

Last week I was going through friendship withdrawals. I was so lonesome for my friends and I wanted nothing more than to have us all gathered around the table enjoying drinks, laughs, and lots of quality time. It was my turn to have a night out while Tarzan wrangled Cheetah in for a bath and hours of the Power Rangers so I headed to one of my favorite restaurants for a fun meal with my friends. Now that I had kid-free time I needed to figure out how I could get them all ‘there’ with me at once.

I decided to send an ‘under cover text’ implying that I was in need of some blog topics and the guests started rolling in. We sat across from each other unloading worries, anger, stress, and some of the funniest stories I had heard in days. When I closed my eyes I could hear their laughter and see their smiles. It was a huge comfort to know that so many of us were living the same daily time line and still feeling inadequate no matter how hard we were trying to push past it all. I laughed out loud on several occasions and even teared up a time or two. As my inbox filled up my heart began to feel lighter and I had to fight the impulse to hug my cell-phone. To the other diners it may have looked like I was dining alone but I was surrounded by my closest friends.

After that wonderful dinner with my inner circle I must argue that the text message isn’t impersonal at all. You make it what it is and to me it is glue that helps me keep ‘it’ together.

And the award goes to...

I have a confession to make, for years I have had my acceptance speech ready for any chance that I may be able to publically thank those that mean the most to me. Since it is apparent that that I am not going to be up for any Grammy’s, Tony’s, or Oscar’s I thought I should ‘publish’ my acceptance speech.

Disclaimer: I have had to keep it as short as possible, so no exact names or situations are listed...if you'd like a shout out, let me know and I'll facebook you!  If they start playing 'the music' to get me off stage, I'm just gonna start screaming.

First of all I want to thank God for giving me this opportunity and for making it possible to recognize the people that my life has been blessed with.

Thanks to my mother for giving me a relationship that is the envy of everyone I know. You are always the 1st person I call any time life gives me lemonade or margaritas. Thank you for making the choices you did in life to give me every opportunity in the world. You truly are a wonderful person and the World’s Greatest Mother.

Dad thanks for loving me so much, it’s the one gift you gave me that I will always treasure. You have shown me that it takes more than blood to be father and daughter, how to make sacrifices for the ones you treasure, and how to live life with love and loyalty for your family. 

To my husband there are few people in this world that I can truly count on to have my back and I know that you will always be there holding up a shield, keeping me safe from harm. Thank you for always putting Cheetah and I first, for working so hard to make our dreams come true, and for loving without pretenses.

Dearest Cheetah oh how God blessed me with you.  I would have never known I could love someone as much as I love, you have helped me to grow into a mother I can be proud of.  You are so smart, loving, generous, and funny; you amaze me every day.  What a joy it is to watch you grow.

For my extended family (Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins) thank you for being part of my village and for all the love and support you have given me and my family over the years. Thank you for all the acts of sacrifice I am aware of and for the sacrifices I am not aware of. You’ve have truly helped shape me into the woman I am today.

My friends are my siblings and I thank God for the chance to add them to my family. Thank you for being Cheetah’s God parents, being his Aunts and Uncles and for being there when the chips are down and when times are good. We have all been through so much together and I love getting together with you all, sitting back reliving the good ole days and helping each other through the trials of today.

Getting better with age.

People say that things get better with age: wine, cheese, sex, and beef for example. This is a sentiment that I can get behind. My life seems to get better the older that I get, I too seem to improve with age. Things just become easier, maybe it is due to repetition…the more we do something the easier it is, routine almost. Getting through a day becomes a cake walk, you may have your interruptions and delays but at the end of the day…you get cake. However during my short stint in adulthood I have found that there are three situations where I don’t get cake; selecting large pieces of furniture, making/retaining friendships, and getting older.

Picking out furniture for your home is one of the more difficult chores of adulthood. I find myself attracted to items that are not just esthetically pleasing but also quite useful. When I was asked for what gift I wanted for my baby-shower I opted for a glider. After very little consideration I chose a glider, I was pleased with my selection and still am. The glider I picked was like no other; it could be taken apart and washed to help maintain its polished appearance. Let me just say: Just because it ‘says’ it can be taken apart, laundered, and put back together doesn’t me it SHOULD. What bad idea.

Making new/retaining established relationships is difficult as an adult. I have my own theory that is based on the fact that we form kinships during hardships. We have our families that are there through it all, school friends that help you through the awkward years, and the early adult friends that are there as you are learning who you are; but once you have it all figured out how do you make time for the need of companionship? I am lucky that I have several ‘Beaches’ type relationship in my life and a 'Thelma' or two as well; but I could use a good ‘Rachel’, I need someone I can get together with a bit more regularly. I am searching for a local girlfriend who is willing to spend a small time away from the home and family. Someone who can easily get me sidetracked over a cup of coffee or froyo; I’m looking for laughs, monthly ‘girls nights’, and few family get-togethers to help add color to my daily routine. There should be an app for that.

Coming to peace with my age is something that has always come very easily for me; I have always enjoyed the fact that I get older. As mentioned beforehand I have just improved with each year I get to cross off, my thirties have thrown me for a loop though. It has been hard to convince my head that I am getting older. When I look in the mirror I can still fool myself into thinking that I could pass for someone in their twenties, late twenties mind you but twenties nonetheless. Then something very foolish happens, my body (forgetting all reason apparently) gives into my mind and I am coerced into thinking I am 10 feet tall and bullet proof. I will spend hours working in the yard; make countless ‘rounds’ through the neighborhood; or stay up past my bedtime during the week, and the next thing I know I am making inappropriate deals with my alarm clock. I find myself doing yoga in the bathroom just to loosen up my stiff back; turning my lunch hour into ‘nap time’; and making that 2nd pot of coffee just to make it till 3pm. I never expected my thirties to start the joys of middle-age; I assumed that’s what my fifties were for.

There are times when life doesn’t hand me lemons, it chunks them at me, repeatedly. Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful for the journey and the bumps along the way…it’s just getting hard to explain the bruises.

W.O.M. Part 2 - Completed

At the beginning of this year I decided that I would spend my time going places to visit my friends and family, try to make the effort to show people how much they mean to me.  Cheetah and I were so excited when we learned that we could squeeze in a visit with his Godmother AND my pledge sisters from college, not to mention the gift of a 'kid-free week' my In-Laws would be giving us the follwing week.  We began packing our bags when I came up with a cute list for Cheetah to do his own packing, he had a blast and I must admit he did a great job matching his outfits up.

Our trip up north ended up being a race, with one terrible storm on our heels.  It is being quoted as one of the largest tornado outbreaks in our history, there were 267 tornados and the death toll has reached 45.  The weather was terrible but we were safe and sound...please send prayers for all that were affected.

We had a great time visiting with our family Taunt Brandi and Uncle Carlos, Taunt Sally, Taunt Emily, and cousin Andy; I was a bit sad that Cheetah missed seeing some of the family but he was more than ready to head over to his Nana's house.  Before he left he made sure to point out how nice he was and how often he shared his toys with cousin Andy...'see I could be a big brother'...oy vay!

We had a baby shower for Sally and she got some really great gifts, the advice and conversations were helpful and giggleful for sure.  Missy made a WONDERFUL diaper cake, it was super cute and full of important tools of the trade. 

Afterwards we headed to campus to participate in our springtime college reunion.  To top off such a great day together, we ended it with doing shots of salsa from my favorite mexican restaurant.

Then off to one awesome dance party with the kids and doing some 'grown-up' shots when the kids went to bed.

It was a great weekend, I always feel so much better after our visits, even though I get a bit sad on the drive home.  I am so lucky indeed to have such a wonderful extended family of carefully selected friends.  Now I am off to enjoy my 'kid-free week' full of chores and relaxation.  I'll keep you posted.  :)