Monday, May 30, 2011

a splendid love...

I think of several times a day and I know you think of me, I can almost hear you calling for my return.  You have been there for me through it all, when I have been tired, lonely, depressed, sick, and happy.  You are there to comfort me through the stormy nights, there to offer me rest when I am exhausted, and there to put a smile on my face with your soft caress.  When I am with you I am blissful, rejuvenated, and comforted. 

Though we've been together for a while, I will never forget the first time I saw you; laid with you; and I relish all the time we get to spend together.  I know that since the birth of Cheetah our time has been cut in half and that there are times that you have to share me with him but know that those times together are some of my favorite memories.  Spending time with you is something I will always WANT to do and though I may have to replace you one day, I will always look back at these times with great fondness.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Getting better with age.

People say that things get better with age: wine, cheese, sex, and beef for example. This is a sentiment that I can get behind. My life seems to get better the older that I get, I too seem to improve with age. Things just become easier, maybe it is due to repetition…the more we do something the easier it is, routine almost. Getting through a day becomes a cake walk, you may have your interruptions and delays but at the end of the day…you get cake. However during my short stint in adulthood I have found that there are three situations where I don’t get cake; selecting large pieces of furniture, making/retaining friendships, and getting older.

Picking out furniture for your home is one of the more difficult chores of adulthood. I find myself attracted to items that are not just esthetically pleasing but also quite useful. When I was asked for what gift I wanted for my baby-shower I opted for a glider. After very little consideration I chose a glider, I was pleased with my selection and still am. The glider I picked was like no other; it could be taken apart and washed to help maintain its polished appearance. Let me just say: Just because it ‘says’ it can be taken apart, laundered, and put back together doesn’t me it SHOULD. What bad idea.

Making new/retaining established relationships is difficult as an adult. I have my own theory that is based on the fact that we form kinships during hardships. We have our families that are there through it all, school friends that help you through the awkward years, and the early adult friends that are there as you are learning who you are; but once you have it all figured out how do you make time for the need of companionship? I am lucky that I have several ‘Beaches’ type relationship in my life and a 'Thelma' or two as well; but I could use a good ‘Rachel’, I need someone I can get together with a bit more regularly. I am searching for a local girlfriend who is willing to spend a small time away from the home and family. Someone who can easily get me sidetracked over a cup of coffee or froyo; I’m looking for laughs, monthly ‘girls nights’, and few family get-togethers to help add color to my daily routine. There should be an app for that.

Coming to peace with my age is something that has always come very easily for me; I have always enjoyed the fact that I get older. As mentioned beforehand I have just improved with each year I get to cross off, my thirties have thrown me for a loop though. It has been hard to convince my head that I am getting older. When I look in the mirror I can still fool myself into thinking that I could pass for someone in their twenties, late twenties mind you but twenties nonetheless. Then something very foolish happens, my body (forgetting all reason apparently) gives into my mind and I am coerced into thinking I am 10 feet tall and bullet proof. I will spend hours working in the yard; make countless ‘rounds’ through the neighborhood; or stay up past my bedtime during the week, and the next thing I know I am making inappropriate deals with my alarm clock. I find myself doing yoga in the bathroom just to loosen up my stiff back; turning my lunch hour into ‘nap time’; and making that 2nd pot of coffee just to make it till 3pm. I never expected my thirties to start the joys of middle-age; I assumed that’s what my fifties were for.

There are times when life doesn’t hand me lemons, it chunks them at me, repeatedly. Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful for the journey and the bumps along the way…it’s just getting hard to explain the bruises.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Mustering up some courage.

Now that Mother’s Day has come and gone we are now preparing for Cheetah’s graduation from Preschool.  For years I have not understood what the big deal is about graduating from preschool; that is until today when I happened by Cheetah’s temple of learning. There they all stood in their royal blue gowns and mortarboards, headed to practice for this Saturday’s commencement exercise and it hit me. He’s not my sweet little baby anymore, this August he will start Kindergarten at ‘big kid’ school. He stepped out of the room to take his medicine and I had to hold back the tears. I gushed to him, “Oh Cheetah you look so adorable, I can’t believe you’re getting so big!!” He blushed and began fidgeting with his tassel and replied sheepishly, “Don’t worry Mommy I’m still just a kid.”

I have been trying to lead him in the best way that I know how; I fail a good bit and loose my temper or worse, draw a blank on how to handle the current situation. I have loved answering his questions, taking him on new adventures, and being his best friend…I am not ready to hear the ‘nothings’, ‘I don’t cares’, and ‘I hate you's’.

I still stand firm in my ‘no more kid’s’ decision but this week has me feeling so nastalgic and teary eyed; I have been told by several other mother’s that once the school years start the time will just fly by. I am having problems falling asleep; my mind is like a tennis match. My thoughts bounce from one end of the court to the other in almost no time at all.

Will I be alive to see him graduate from high school?

Will he be alive to graduate high school?

Thankfully I have a few more months before I have to do the MUCH dreaded drop off in August. He has his path out in front of him and it’s scary as hell having NO idea where it will lead and who will be along for the ride.

Friday, May 6, 2011

A little appreciation.

Lately we have been swamped, with Easter, my birthday, and now Mother's day!  Whew, I need a break.  I celebrated my birthday with a yummy '2 story' red velvet cake from my work, a fantastic boiled seafood feast, and an overnight visit from my folks! 

The highlight of this week has been teacher appreciation: Cheetah's school sent home a flyer with an example (for each day) of a happy for the teacher's, I took this as a challenge.  I decided that he could not just arrive to school with: a flower on Monday, chocolate on Tuesday, 'thank you' notes on Wednesday, fruit on Thursday, and a prepared item for the snack table on Friday.  I racked my brain and came up with some 'twists' to brighten their Appreciation week.

Monday: Flowers

Tuesday:  Chocolate (thanks a 'million')

Wednesday: Thank You "notes"

Thursday:  Fruit

Friday:  for the snack table

Also on Friday we have 'Muffins with Mom' and I have found that there really is no meal that compares to a dry packaged muffin, orange juice from a styrofoam cup, and the giddy smile from Cheetah.

I have a cousin, named Peter, who was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma and had a stem cell transplant this week.  Please keep Peter and his family in your thoughts and prayers.  He has a tricky road ahead and I know he would appreciate any extra prayers, as do I.