The beginning of goodbye.

Once Cheetah reached the toddler stage we began making preparations for his entry into school.  We drilled him on numbers, colors, and shapes.  We worked with them for weeks on memorizing addresses, phone numbers, and names.  We went shopping for supplies, uniforms, and snacks while using every spare moment as chance to 'teach'.  Tarzan even instructed him on wiping, grooming, and belts.  We answered question after question while explaining life's most difficult quandaries but we brushed over one important situation.  The Goodbye.

We know how we feel; our hearts are so heavy, sad at the sight of him in his uniform, and wanting to wait a bit longer to be sure he's ready.  But what's going on in his head as he heads out into uncharted territory?  How foreign to be dropped off at the door, no one to hoover and remind him to work, who will help open the ketchup, will the new person in his life know what to do if he pukes? 

As the car approaches the morning drop-off lane, my heart plummets deep in my stomach, just waiting for his inevitable tears.  As they begin to fall down his sweet face and he begs for 'just one more kiss' I know he must feel what I do, the beginning of 'goodbye'...

Just text me...

I have heard people argue that the text message is impersonal and has done damage to the social communication of our teenagers and young adults but I disagree. It’s not intrusive, you can answer when it’s best for you, and most of the small talk is eliminated. There have been many times when it has helped me avoid long phone calls and helped me get information effortlessly. Most importantly it has helped me stay connected to family and friends on a daily basis.

Last week I was going through friendship withdrawals. I was so lonesome for my friends and I wanted nothing more than to have us all gathered around the table enjoying drinks, laughs, and lots of quality time. It was my turn to have a night out while Tarzan wrangled Cheetah in for a bath and hours of the Power Rangers so I headed to one of my favorite restaurants for a fun meal with my friends. Now that I had kid-free time I needed to figure out how I could get them all ‘there’ with me at once.

I decided to send an ‘under cover text’ implying that I was in need of some blog topics and the guests started rolling in. We sat across from each other unloading worries, anger, stress, and some of the funniest stories I had heard in days. When I closed my eyes I could hear their laughter and see their smiles. It was a huge comfort to know that so many of us were living the same daily time line and still feeling inadequate no matter how hard we were trying to push past it all. I laughed out loud on several occasions and even teared up a time or two. As my inbox filled up my heart began to feel lighter and I had to fight the impulse to hug my cell-phone. To the other diners it may have looked like I was dining alone but I was surrounded by my closest friends.

After that wonderful dinner with my inner circle I must argue that the text message isn’t impersonal at all. You make it what it is and to me it is glue that helps me keep ‘it’ together.

Wordless Wednesday

Addressing the nation of 'rubber neckers':

While Cheetah was off having one helluva vacation with his grandparents, Tarzan and I were enjoying a great 13 ‘kid-free’ days. I had planned on writing a post on revitalized relationships and the importance of couple time in sustaining a marriage, then tragedy struck. There was a terrible house fire in our neighborhood, it was horrifying. Hearing the muffled booms and sizzles was terrible but not nearly as disturbing as watching the excitement on the faces of some of our neighbors.

It was sickening seeing people load up their wagons with pajama donned children, snacks, and smiles.  I was appalled when a neighbor smiled and exclaimed, “And y’all haven’t even been here a year and you are getting to see all this excitement!” Really, excitement?!?! At this point she doesn’t even know if the people are OUT of the house let alone the fact that presently someone’s WHOLE world is crashing down in front of their faces. They have lost EVERYTHING and there she goes barreling down the road with a smile on her face and her 3 year old in her arms. If there had been an explosion or God forbid a body, would she have wanted her child so close to the action then? Where is our respect and civility for our neighbors? If it was happening TO you would you want the whole neighborhood gathered to watch your life slowly unravel?

Being bombarded with reality shows on every television channel has produced a society of ‘rubber neckers’. We creep by accidents on roadways and chase ambulances hoping for just a glimpse into someone’s tragedy. It’s disgusting. We are so removed from life and empathy that we are unable to relate real life experiences to actual people. Instead of believing that what we see on television is real we have forgotten that these experiences that we witness are indeed REAL and are happening to REAL people.

If there is a fire or accident the last place I want to be is in the middle of it all; you risk the safety of yourself and your family and you may impede the swiftness of a rescue. I was glad to see that there were a few people who (like Tarzan and I) who stood in their driveways teary eyed, sending up prayers of protection and love to the family. We knew the best thing we could do was to stay out of the way and be there in support hoping that like a phoenix this family would be able to rise up from the ashes renewed, together, and alive.

Food for thought...

As I have stated in the past holidays were always important in my childhood home, and my mother would always pull out all the stops to ensure that they were memorable and that we took time to celebrate the importance of family and love.  On the ‘federal’ holidays my dad always tried to convey the importance of every life that was lived or lost for our country’s benefit.  

My parents always drove home the importance of being aware of the rest of the world. Education was key, they wanted me to know that there was more in the world then what was just outside my door. I was taught that as a citizen it was my responsibility to stay informed of current events for our state, country, and the world; the news was used as a teaching tool to develop empathy for others and of how life may be for them. By far this is the best thing that I learned from my parents, it is a lesson that I use daily.

We are all reminded to live life to the fullest because you never know when it will be your last but how do you live in a constant state of fear? When I hear fireworks, gun shots, or screaming I am reminded that there are countries that are currently war torn and families that are being caught up in the crossfire. I try to imagine how stressful it must be to try to raise a family during these terrifying times; how do you keep things routine when every minute you have together is potentially fatal? I am so thankful that I can give my child a ‘care free’ childhood similar to the one my parents worked so hard to maintain.

When going to the grocery, I prefer to go alone, not only to save me from the constant ‘can I have’s’ and ‘I never get’s’ but to truly use this time to be appreciative. As I walk down countless aisles of food and supplies I am reminded that there are villages of people that do not even have a corner store for miles; and the stores they have don’t have an aisle just for shampoo. Occasionally walking the aisles of stores can bring my mood down, it’s a bit daunting when you see all the things that you cannot buy for your family. Then I will see a cart that is barely filled and over hear parents discuss skipping lunch for the week so they can buy the 2 gallons of milk their children need for breakfast. I realize while I may not be able to buy my family everything they want; I CAN feed them, put clothes on their backs, and buy their medicine.

We have a way of life that most people don’t get to enjoy and it is hard to imagine a life unlike your own. I implore you though to stop and think every time you fill your cart or watch fireworks that somewhere not so far from here, someone lives a much more stressful existence.

And the award goes to...

I have a confession to make, for years I have had my acceptance speech ready for any chance that I may be able to publically thank those that mean the most to me. Since it is apparent that that I am not going to be up for any Grammy’s, Tony’s, or Oscar’s I thought I should ‘publish’ my acceptance speech.

Disclaimer: I have had to keep it as short as possible, so no exact names or situations are listed...if you'd like a shout out, let me know and I'll facebook you!  If they start playing 'the music' to get me off stage, I'm just gonna start screaming.

First of all I want to thank God for giving me this opportunity and for making it possible to recognize the people that my life has been blessed with.

Thanks to my mother for giving me a relationship that is the envy of everyone I know. You are always the 1st person I call any time life gives me lemonade or margaritas. Thank you for making the choices you did in life to give me every opportunity in the world. You truly are a wonderful person and the World’s Greatest Mother.

Dad thanks for loving me so much, it’s the one gift you gave me that I will always treasure. You have shown me that it takes more than blood to be father and daughter, how to make sacrifices for the ones you treasure, and how to live life with love and loyalty for your family. 

To my husband there are few people in this world that I can truly count on to have my back and I know that you will always be there holding up a shield, keeping me safe from harm. Thank you for always putting Cheetah and I first, for working so hard to make our dreams come true, and for loving without pretenses.

Dearest Cheetah oh how God blessed me with you.  I would have never known I could love someone as much as I love, you have helped me to grow into a mother I can be proud of.  You are so smart, loving, generous, and funny; you amaze me every day.  What a joy it is to watch you grow.

For my extended family (Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins) thank you for being part of my village and for all the love and support you have given me and my family over the years. Thank you for all the acts of sacrifice I am aware of and for the sacrifices I am not aware of. You’ve have truly helped shape me into the woman I am today.

My friends are my siblings and I thank God for the chance to add them to my family. Thank you for being Cheetah’s God parents, being his Aunts and Uncles and for being there when the chips are down and when times are good. We have all been through so much together and I love getting together with you all, sitting back reliving the good ole days and helping each other through the trials of today.

Too many roles to fill...

I am being haunted by a phrase: every time I hear it I feel my eyes rolling back in my head, my blood pressure hits the roof, and my voice goes up a few octaves.  We are all sitting in the living room attempting to watch one of many superhero shows only to be bombarded by the constant chorus of Cheetah blurting out, “I’m Ironman, I’m Green Lantern, I’m Batman, or I’m the dinosaur.  I am a firm believer in the suspension of belief and the importance the relatability of characters to the audience but this is ridiculous.  I am beginning to believe that due to all the role shifting he may be developing a personality disorder.  

When the tides change in the movie or when the hero is in the throes of battle his role will change.  One minute he’s the underdog and the next minute he’s the hero swooping in to save the day.  Out of habit he now has me imagining myself in every role on the tele.  One minute I’m Nora Walker and the next minute I am Veronica Mars; I have been having the strangest dreams full of all sorts of characters and constantly changing plot lines.  In the past few nights I have saved the world from a falling meteor, learned karate from Mr. Miyagi, helped solve crimes for my fellow high school students, and raised a family of five children in Pasadena.

To say the least I am exhausted, now I see why I had such a vivid imagination as a child…I wouldn’t be able to keep up as an adult.  Is it really that important to have the audience invested in each character?  Whatever happened to the real ‘stories’ of film and television?  I, for one am ready for a story or two that I couldn’t see myself playing the lead role…