Addressing the nation of 'rubber neckers':

While Cheetah was off having one helluva vacation with his grandparents, Tarzan and I were enjoying a great 13 ‘kid-free’ days. I had planned on writing a post on revitalized relationships and the importance of couple time in sustaining a marriage, then tragedy struck. There was a terrible house fire in our neighborhood, it was horrifying. Hearing the muffled booms and sizzles was terrible but not nearly as disturbing as watching the excitement on the faces of some of our neighbors.

It was sickening seeing people load up their wagons with pajama donned children, snacks, and smiles.  I was appalled when a neighbor smiled and exclaimed, “And y’all haven’t even been here a year and you are getting to see all this excitement!” Really, excitement?!?! At this point she doesn’t even know if the people are OUT of the house let alone the fact that presently someone’s WHOLE world is crashing down in front of their faces. They have lost EVERYTHING and there she goes barreling down the road with a smile on her face and her 3 year old in her arms. If there had been an explosion or God forbid a body, would she have wanted her child so close to the action then? Where is our respect and civility for our neighbors? If it was happening TO you would you want the whole neighborhood gathered to watch your life slowly unravel?

Being bombarded with reality shows on every television channel has produced a society of ‘rubber neckers’. We creep by accidents on roadways and chase ambulances hoping for just a glimpse into someone’s tragedy. It’s disgusting. We are so removed from life and empathy that we are unable to relate real life experiences to actual people. Instead of believing that what we see on television is real we have forgotten that these experiences that we witness are indeed REAL and are happening to REAL people.

If there is a fire or accident the last place I want to be is in the middle of it all; you risk the safety of yourself and your family and you may impede the swiftness of a rescue. I was glad to see that there were a few people who (like Tarzan and I) who stood in their driveways teary eyed, sending up prayers of protection and love to the family. We knew the best thing we could do was to stay out of the way and be there in support hoping that like a phoenix this family would be able to rise up from the ashes renewed, together, and alive.

Food for thought...

As I have stated in the past holidays were always important in my childhood home, and my mother would always pull out all the stops to ensure that they were memorable and that we took time to celebrate the importance of family and love.  On the ‘federal’ holidays my dad always tried to convey the importance of every life that was lived or lost for our country’s benefit.  

My parents always drove home the importance of being aware of the rest of the world. Education was key, they wanted me to know that there was more in the world then what was just outside my door. I was taught that as a citizen it was my responsibility to stay informed of current events for our state, country, and the world; the news was used as a teaching tool to develop empathy for others and of how life may be for them. By far this is the best thing that I learned from my parents, it is a lesson that I use daily.

We are all reminded to live life to the fullest because you never know when it will be your last but how do you live in a constant state of fear? When I hear fireworks, gun shots, or screaming I am reminded that there are countries that are currently war torn and families that are being caught up in the crossfire. I try to imagine how stressful it must be to try to raise a family during these terrifying times; how do you keep things routine when every minute you have together is potentially fatal? I am so thankful that I can give my child a ‘care free’ childhood similar to the one my parents worked so hard to maintain.

When going to the grocery, I prefer to go alone, not only to save me from the constant ‘can I have’s’ and ‘I never get’s’ but to truly use this time to be appreciative. As I walk down countless aisles of food and supplies I am reminded that there are villages of people that do not even have a corner store for miles; and the stores they have don’t have an aisle just for shampoo. Occasionally walking the aisles of stores can bring my mood down, it’s a bit daunting when you see all the things that you cannot buy for your family. Then I will see a cart that is barely filled and over hear parents discuss skipping lunch for the week so they can buy the 2 gallons of milk their children need for breakfast. I realize while I may not be able to buy my family everything they want; I CAN feed them, put clothes on their backs, and buy their medicine.

We have a way of life that most people don’t get to enjoy and it is hard to imagine a life unlike your own. I implore you though to stop and think every time you fill your cart or watch fireworks that somewhere not so far from here, someone lives a much more stressful existence.

And the award goes to...

I have a confession to make, for years I have had my acceptance speech ready for any chance that I may be able to publically thank those that mean the most to me. Since it is apparent that that I am not going to be up for any Grammy’s, Tony’s, or Oscar’s I thought I should ‘publish’ my acceptance speech.

Disclaimer: I have had to keep it as short as possible, so no exact names or situations are listed...if you'd like a shout out, let me know and I'll facebook you!  If they start playing 'the music' to get me off stage, I'm just gonna start screaming.

First of all I want to thank God for giving me this opportunity and for making it possible to recognize the people that my life has been blessed with.

Thanks to my mother for giving me a relationship that is the envy of everyone I know. You are always the 1st person I call any time life gives me lemonade or margaritas. Thank you for making the choices you did in life to give me every opportunity in the world. You truly are a wonderful person and the World’s Greatest Mother.

Dad thanks for loving me so much, it’s the one gift you gave me that I will always treasure. You have shown me that it takes more than blood to be father and daughter, how to make sacrifices for the ones you treasure, and how to live life with love and loyalty for your family. 

To my husband there are few people in this world that I can truly count on to have my back and I know that you will always be there holding up a shield, keeping me safe from harm. Thank you for always putting Cheetah and I first, for working so hard to make our dreams come true, and for loving without pretenses.

Dearest Cheetah oh how God blessed me with you.  I would have never known I could love someone as much as I love, you have helped me to grow into a mother I can be proud of.  You are so smart, loving, generous, and funny; you amaze me every day.  What a joy it is to watch you grow.

For my extended family (Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins) thank you for being part of my village and for all the love and support you have given me and my family over the years. Thank you for all the acts of sacrifice I am aware of and for the sacrifices I am not aware of. You’ve have truly helped shape me into the woman I am today.

My friends are my siblings and I thank God for the chance to add them to my family. Thank you for being Cheetah’s God parents, being his Aunts and Uncles and for being there when the chips are down and when times are good. We have all been through so much together and I love getting together with you all, sitting back reliving the good ole days and helping each other through the trials of today.

Too many roles to fill...

I am being haunted by a phrase: every time I hear it I feel my eyes rolling back in my head, my blood pressure hits the roof, and my voice goes up a few octaves.  We are all sitting in the living room attempting to watch one of many superhero shows only to be bombarded by the constant chorus of Cheetah blurting out, “I’m Ironman, I’m Green Lantern, I’m Batman, or I’m the dinosaur.  I am a firm believer in the suspension of belief and the importance the relatability of characters to the audience but this is ridiculous.  I am beginning to believe that due to all the role shifting he may be developing a personality disorder.  

When the tides change in the movie or when the hero is in the throes of battle his role will change.  One minute he’s the underdog and the next minute he’s the hero swooping in to save the day.  Out of habit he now has me imagining myself in every role on the tele.  One minute I’m Nora Walker and the next minute I am Veronica Mars; I have been having the strangest dreams full of all sorts of characters and constantly changing plot lines.  In the past few nights I have saved the world from a falling meteor, learned karate from Mr. Miyagi, helped solve crimes for my fellow high school students, and raised a family of five children in Pasadena.

To say the least I am exhausted, now I see why I had such a vivid imagination as a child…I wouldn’t be able to keep up as an adult.  Is it really that important to have the audience invested in each character?  Whatever happened to the real ‘stories’ of film and television?  I, for one am ready for a story or two that I couldn’t see myself playing the lead role…





a splendid love...

I think of several times a day and I know you think of me, I can almost hear you calling for my return.  You have been there for me through it all, when I have been tired, lonely, depressed, sick, and happy.  You are there to comfort me through the stormy nights, there to offer me rest when I am exhausted, and there to put a smile on my face with your soft caress.  When I am with you I am blissful, rejuvenated, and comforted. 

Though we've been together for a while, I will never forget the first time I saw you; laid with you; and I relish all the time we get to spend together.  I know that since the birth of Cheetah our time has been cut in half and that there are times that you have to share me with him but know that those times together are some of my favorite memories.  Spending time with you is something I will always WANT to do and though I may have to replace you one day, I will always look back at these times with great fondness.

Getting better with age.

People say that things get better with age: wine, cheese, sex, and beef for example. This is a sentiment that I can get behind. My life seems to get better the older that I get, I too seem to improve with age. Things just become easier, maybe it is due to repetition…the more we do something the easier it is, routine almost. Getting through a day becomes a cake walk, you may have your interruptions and delays but at the end of the day…you get cake. However during my short stint in adulthood I have found that there are three situations where I don’t get cake; selecting large pieces of furniture, making/retaining friendships, and getting older.

Picking out furniture for your home is one of the more difficult chores of adulthood. I find myself attracted to items that are not just esthetically pleasing but also quite useful. When I was asked for what gift I wanted for my baby-shower I opted for a glider. After very little consideration I chose a glider, I was pleased with my selection and still am. The glider I picked was like no other; it could be taken apart and washed to help maintain its polished appearance. Let me just say: Just because it ‘says’ it can be taken apart, laundered, and put back together doesn’t me it SHOULD. What bad idea.

Making new/retaining established relationships is difficult as an adult. I have my own theory that is based on the fact that we form kinships during hardships. We have our families that are there through it all, school friends that help you through the awkward years, and the early adult friends that are there as you are learning who you are; but once you have it all figured out how do you make time for the need of companionship? I am lucky that I have several ‘Beaches’ type relationship in my life and a 'Thelma' or two as well; but I could use a good ‘Rachel’, I need someone I can get together with a bit more regularly. I am searching for a local girlfriend who is willing to spend a small time away from the home and family. Someone who can easily get me sidetracked over a cup of coffee or froyo; I’m looking for laughs, monthly ‘girls nights’, and few family get-togethers to help add color to my daily routine. There should be an app for that.

Coming to peace with my age is something that has always come very easily for me; I have always enjoyed the fact that I get older. As mentioned beforehand I have just improved with each year I get to cross off, my thirties have thrown me for a loop though. It has been hard to convince my head that I am getting older. When I look in the mirror I can still fool myself into thinking that I could pass for someone in their twenties, late twenties mind you but twenties nonetheless. Then something very foolish happens, my body (forgetting all reason apparently) gives into my mind and I am coerced into thinking I am 10 feet tall and bullet proof. I will spend hours working in the yard; make countless ‘rounds’ through the neighborhood; or stay up past my bedtime during the week, and the next thing I know I am making inappropriate deals with my alarm clock. I find myself doing yoga in the bathroom just to loosen up my stiff back; turning my lunch hour into ‘nap time’; and making that 2nd pot of coffee just to make it till 3pm. I never expected my thirties to start the joys of middle-age; I assumed that’s what my fifties were for.

There are times when life doesn’t hand me lemons, it chunks them at me, repeatedly. Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful for the journey and the bumps along the way…it’s just getting hard to explain the bruises.

Mustering up some courage.

Now that Mother’s Day has come and gone we are now preparing for Cheetah’s graduation from Preschool.  For years I have not understood what the big deal is about graduating from preschool; that is until today when I happened by Cheetah’s temple of learning. There they all stood in their royal blue gowns and mortarboards, headed to practice for this Saturday’s commencement exercise and it hit me. He’s not my sweet little baby anymore, this August he will start Kindergarten at ‘big kid’ school. He stepped out of the room to take his medicine and I had to hold back the tears. I gushed to him, “Oh Cheetah you look so adorable, I can’t believe you’re getting so big!!” He blushed and began fidgeting with his tassel and replied sheepishly, “Don’t worry Mommy I’m still just a kid.”

I have been trying to lead him in the best way that I know how; I fail a good bit and loose my temper or worse, draw a blank on how to handle the current situation. I have loved answering his questions, taking him on new adventures, and being his best friend…I am not ready to hear the ‘nothings’, ‘I don’t cares’, and ‘I hate you's’.

I still stand firm in my ‘no more kid’s’ decision but this week has me feeling so nastalgic and teary eyed; I have been told by several other mother’s that once the school years start the time will just fly by. I am having problems falling asleep; my mind is like a tennis match. My thoughts bounce from one end of the court to the other in almost no time at all.

Will I be alive to see him graduate from high school?

Will he be alive to graduate high school?

Thankfully I have a few more months before I have to do the MUCH dreaded drop off in August. He has his path out in front of him and it’s scary as hell having NO idea where it will lead and who will be along for the ride.